Rishav reaches his college 20 minutes after leaving Khanak, without waving a bye or glancing at her even once, at the road-side. He has been so happy this morning, when she has reluctantly agreed to ride with him. If he hadn’t been wearing helmet, he was sure that someone would have called mental hospital to get him admitted – he was grinning throughout the bike-ride like a lunatic. The interaction between them has been so similar to how they used to interact before all the mess he created. Their ride together has reminded him of their many bus-rides, which they used to take to go to school. He has hoped that she will remember those times too and realize that he hasn’t always acted as a shitty friend. They have had good-times in all these past years and over time they have developed into wonderful memories. Memories that Rishav continuously looks back on.
And when she has let him drag her to tea-stall, he has felt that the walls she has built around herself in the past year are cracking. Few of them were even about to crumble down. But that must be in his imagination. All those shy smiles of hers, her teasing and her reluctant trust in him must be in his imagination. Because the moment she has seen that it’s Ankan who is calling, she has all but turned away from him. As if he could stay or leave and it won’t matter to her either way. After all, Rishav wouldn’t even be there with her if she hadn’t forgotten to ask Ankan to drop him.
And what’s the real tragedy is that he could have endured being second choice. He could have endured that cringe-worthy “sweet” line. It would have hurt him but he wouldn’t have said a single word. After all he knows that he deserves nothing more than coming second to Ankan in Khanak’s life after his stunt last year. But what he couldn’t bear was her trying to keep him a secret. And why? Just so their friend Ankan won’t feel bad. And what about Rishav?! After more than a year, he has felt like he was able to breathe again, able to genuinely smile again. But all of that didn’t even stay for an hour.
Parking his bike in two-wheeler parking lot, he doesn’t get off of it. He feels like he has swallowed something bitter and if motorcycle mirrors are to be trusted he looks like that too. In no mood to explain it to Khanak’s “precious” friend, he decides to bunk his classes today, at least the ones that he has with Ankan. Just as Rishav gets his phone out to message Ankan to make up an excuse, he sees his friend ambling toward him with a smile and friendly wave for everyone he greets in the way. Normally, Rishav likes the fact that Ankan is the golden boy – someone liked by almost everyone, someone who can’t take 5 steps in this college without having at least 2 fellow mates greet him. That way Rishav can get anything done with his friend’s connections without having to talk to strangers. But today, this fact irritates him. Everything about his friend, from his easy smile to relaxed attitude, irritates him. ‘Why the hell can’t he walk faster?!’, Rishav yells in his head. Ankan walks as if everyone will wait for him to reach them. Just to show his friend that he isn’t one of those ‘everyone’, Rishav thinks to run away. Just start his bike and ride away from everyone who thinks his friend is some god-gift given to this college.
But before Rishav could start his bike, Ankan snaps his finger in front of his face and looks at him with confused eyes. “Are you planning to ride your bike to class?” The question is so out of zone from the thoughts going on in Rishav’s head, that it takes him a moment to understand what his friend is talking about.
Realizing that it’s too late and he can’t run away, Rishav unwillingly gets down from his bike. “What are you doing here?” Rishav grumbles and both of them start walking toward the building their class is held in.
Rishav can feel Ankan’s scrutinization but he doesn’t turn and keeps looking ahead. Used to his friend’s frequent mood-swings, Ankan just shrugs and starts talking.
**
“So why are you sulking today?” Ankan asks, again. Fed up of being asked the same question 1000th time, Rishav scowls at his friend.
“I am behaving just like I behave everyday” Rishav would have preferred to shout, maybe loud voice would convince Ankan and he would stop asking the same question again and again, but seeing as they are in lecture hall and their professor would definitely not like scene, Rishav whisper-yells at his friend.
“You are right. You sulk everyday” Ankan teases. He sits up straight as if about to say something serious “But today you are somehow grumpier. Did something happen at home?” Ankan asks, his eyes that were filled with playfulness just moments before are looking at him with concern.
Seeing that Rishav has spent the last weekend with his family, obviously Ankan would assume that his bad mood is because of them. And seeing the genuine concern in his friend’s eyes, Rishav for a moment thinks about telling him the truth – not just this morning’s incident but his biggest fear, that maybe he has ruined his relationship with his best-friend who is also the girl he likes permanently, after all Ankan might be the guy who also likes Khanak but he is more (much more) than that, he is like a brother to Rishav. Just as he opens his mouth to share what he is going through, Khanak’s voice echo in his head “I didn’t tell Ankan that you dropped me to college, today. If you could..?” and he decides otherwise.
Just as the first class ends, Rishav stands up to leave. Unable to take anymore of Ankan’s questions and his confusing feelings towards both of his best-friends, Rishav says “I am going to bunk the remaining classes. Will you take the notes for me?”. Without listening to the answer Rishav starts walking toward the stairs.
“I am not doing that unless you tell me what’s wrong”. Ankan’s voice filled with the concern.
Rishav really didn’t need this. The one man he really doesn’t want to talk to right now is concerned about him. Ankan’s good nature makes Rishav feel more insecure. Why won’t Khanak take him as her second choice, Rishav, himself knows that Ankan is a better person than he’ll ever be. His fears and insecurities are fuel his bad mood and make it worse
“Oh?” Rishav turns. His lips curved into a cruel smirk. “Why? Don’t I deserve some special treatments as your best-friend?”. Rishav shouldn’t have come to college. He has known this would happen, has known that he would do this.
Rishav can see emotions passing in his friend’s eyes – confusion, shock, hurt and then the infamous calmness that Ankan hides behind. “I will take the notes for you”. Ankan replies with a smile. Rishav leaves the classroom and his best-friend.
Rishav knows that he hasn’t outright broke his promise to Khanak and has only said the truth. Don’t people say that truth sets you free?! Then why the hell does he feel as if someone is squeezing his neck, as if the weight of the world is on his shoulder and he won’t be free unless two people he has just hurt, because of his impulsive behavior, forgive him.
But they will only forgive him only if he bothers to ask for their forgiveness and Rishav doesn’t think he has yet realized the mistake he has just made. He just knows that this is making him feel worse than he was feeling after leaving Khanak at the roadside near her college.